Last time, How Much Does Private School Actually Cost?, I wrote about private school fees. You came back with more. Thoughtfully, with lived experience, and in a couple of cases with a polite but clear suggestion that I’d missed the point. So here’s the follow-up.
What you told me
One client, who has paid for private education across two children and is now doing the same for four grandsons, had this to say: no regrets, none whatsoever. His grandsons’ school caps classes at 18, with a form teacher and a teaching assistant in the room. Post-VAT, that has dropped to 12 or 13. He described watching five-year-olds stand up and present at show and tell. He talked about prefects receiving two days of management training before term started.
And he made a point I hadn’t made: if he hadn’t spent the money, 40% of it would eventually go to the government anyway.
Another client grew up in Kent, where the grammar school system still exists. Both his sons sat the 11-plus in the late 1990s, passed, and had an excellent secondary education. For free. Some of what was saved is now invested with us for his family’s long-term future.
A colleague mentioned something I’d underplayed entirely: the network. The people your child meets at school. The friendships that turn into business relationships, referrals, and introductions twenty years later. Whether or not that sounds familiar as an idea, clients who have been through the system are consistent: those relationships often prove far more durable and more valuable than anyone anticipated at the time.
What I missed
The original piece was framed around money. Investment versus fees. That’s a legitimate question. But it isn’t the whole picture.
Here’s what the spreadsheet doesn’t capture.
Knowing your child is in a class of 12, with teachers who have time for them, matters every single morning when you drop them off. The peace of mind compounds quietly, in the background, in the same way that a long-term investment does. You can’t see it building, but you feel it.
The contacts and friendships formed in those years have tangible long-term value. Real relationships, formed early, that often last a lifetime and open doors.
And the extra-curricular environment (sport, music, drama, expeditions, leadership programmes) is a significant part of what families are paying for. It doesn’t show up in academic results. It shows up later.
The grammar school question
Several of you mentioned grammar schools as the best of both worlds: academically selective, free, and in some cases genuinely excellent. That’s right. But it comes with a caveat.
There are 163 grammar schools left in England, out of roughly 3,000 state secondaries. They are concentrated in a handful of areas: Kent, Buckinghamshire, Lincolnshire, parts of Warwickshire and Berkshire. If you don’t happen to live in one of those areas, this option simply isn’t available to you.
Even where grammars exist, entry is competitive and getting more so. In Kent, surveys suggest nearly half of children sitting the 11-plus have received private tuition beforehand. So there’s a cost there too, just a different one.
The hybrid approach, private primary then grammar secondary, is genuinely attractive where it works. But it requires geography, timing, and a child who performs on a specific day at age ten. That’s a lot to bank on.
Where I land now
The numbers still matter. Understanding the full cost (what you would need to earn, what else that money could do) is a useful exercise. It forces a real conversation rather than an assumed one.
But the decision is never just financial. It’s about your child, your values, your circumstances, and yes, your gut.
What I do think: the clients who seem most at peace with the decision, whether they chose private, grammar, or a strong state school, are the ones who made it consciously. They modelled it, talked it through, and understood the trade-offs before committing. That clarity, whenever it came, seemed to matter.
That’s what good planning looks like. And as I’ve been reminded this week, the best conversations start exactly the way this one did.
Thanks all and keep the responses coming.
This is for educational purposes only. It’s not personal financial advice and we’re not recommending any specific course of action. Everyone’s situation is different, and how school fees planning affects your finances depends on individual circumstances. You should seek professional financial advice before making any decisions.
