Tarifa is actually where my wife and I got married just over six years ago, and this is the third time we’ve visited since. It’s still as stunning as always, just as trendy and not full of tourists. What has changed is my appreciation for what makes it work.
The waiters here aren’t particularly warm. There’s no “How are we today?” or “Is everything alright with your meal?” They deliver your food, often without much eye contact, and move on. It feels almost brusque to British sensibilities. But the food is exceptional, the setting is perfect, and the whole experience comes at a remarkably reasonable rate (no more than £60 a couple for a proper slap-up meal with a fine bottle of Rioja included).
Last weekend my dad told us all about an inside Spanish joke: they call us Brits “por favores” – a play on “por favor” (please) – because we say please and thank you so much it borders on the absurd. They find it genuinely funny, this relentless politeness we bring to every transaction.
And I think they’re onto something.
Politeness vs hospitality
Politeness and hospitality are not the same thing. Politeness is what you say. Hospitality is what you do – and more importantly, how you make someone feel. You can be incredibly polite and still provide a terrible experience. Or you can skip the niceties and deliver something genuinely special.
Earlier this month, Jo and I were lucky enough to attend the Welcome Conference in New York – an event hosted by Will Guidara, who wrote Unreasonable Hospitality.
Whilst I was getting a coffee, someone asked Jo what a wealth management firm was doing at a hospitality event. It wasn’t just someone actually, it was Drew Nieporent who founded Nobu restaurants. Interestingly his business partner is Robert De Niro, so you can imagine how things went when Jo introduced her business partner (me) and he swiftly left us to it.
Anyway, it’s a fair question, but the answer is simple: financial planners are in the hospitality business. Yes, we provide financial plans and investment strategies, but fundamentally, our job is to make people feel looked after, heard, and understood. That’s hospitality.
The substance vs the trappings
But here’s the thing: it’s easy to confuse the trappings of good service with the substance of it. We could send you perfectly polite emails, turn up on time, say all the right things – and still not actually be listening to what you need. We could be all “por favores” and no real care.
What matters isn’t whether we’re ticking boxes of professional courtesy (though we should be). What matters is whether we’re genuinely understanding what you’re trying to achieve with your life, and building something meaningful together.
I think about this when we’re sitting down with clients for the first time. There’s always a bit of nervous energy in the room – money is personal, planning is vulnerable, and no one really knows what to expect. We could fill that space with pleasantries, keep things surface-level, make it comfortable but shallow.
Or we could skip past the small talk and get to what actually matters: what do you want your life to look like? What are you worried about? What’s keeping you up at night? That’s where the real work begins – not in the politeness, but in the willingness to go deeper.
What we’re aiming for
The Spanish waiters don’t bother with small talk because they’re focused on what actually matters: brilliant food, beautiful surroundings, and an experience you’ll remember. We want to be the same. Professional, yes. Polite, absolutely. But most importantly: focused on delivering something of real substance, with genuine care behind it.
I don’t think we always get this right. But it’s what we’re aiming for. Not just the professional veneer, but the genuine article underneath. Because at the end of the day, you’re not paying us to be polite – you’re paying us to actually look after you. And that’s a different thing entirely.
At Emery Little, we focus on substance over surface – understanding what really matters to you and building a financial plan around that. If you’d like to understand more about how we approach financial planning or have a conversation about what you’re trying to achieve, please get in touch.
